I estimate that I have taken probably somewhere around 75 home pregnancy tests since April 2009. You know eventually you start seeing lines that aren’t there. You learn pretty quickly how to take apart every brand ever made in hopes that that second pink line is hiding underneath there. You will go back to check the one you took that morning hoping a line suddenly appeared even though you know the rules…do not read a test after the 3 minutes are up. For some reason you keep all the tests you take (and yes…I have all of them I have taken since the miscarriage) the ones before I threw out because it made me too sad. Friends try to help but really…the last thing I want to hear is to “relax and it will happen” or "hand it over to God” You know what….I’m kind of pissed at God right now. Don’t worry…he knows it. It isn’t a big surprise to him. I’m sure I will get over it but yeah..right now Jesus is totally NOT invited to any of my parties. Including the pity party I plan on throwing this weekend when that stupid bitch Aunt Flow comes to visit. I might put rat poison in the dip…..
God gave me what I wanted most at this point in my life…a little baby growing inside of me. Then he VERY painfully took him back. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life emotionally and physically. I think I have a right to be a little pissed. But that as it may be I still have hope and faith enough to know that one day I will understand why this happened to me. I will, one day, remember that everything happens for a reason and God has his plans for each of us. I’m just not there yet. So not there yet. Ok..I’m done. And I’m reminding myself that no one RSVP’s to pity parties…so I won’t be disappointed that no one shows…that leaves more dip for my dear aunt. Mwuahahahahhhhh
Random picture of the day. Someone that reminds me every day that everything happens for a reason and God is good.
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